Reality check

"Isn’t it true that we often get so busy? And, sad to say, we even wear our busyness as a badge of honor, as though being busy, by itself, was an accomplishment or sign of a superior life.

Is it?" - President Uchtdorf

When our beloved President Uchtdorf said this in our most recent General Conference, I literally felt my heart drop to my stomach, and I knew that this talk was meant just for me. 

Lets be real here for a few minutes. If I'm being 100% honest, I am completely overwhelmed with my life right now. Just like it says in the Doctrine & Covenants section 10 verse 4, "Do not run faster or labor more than you have strength and means..." 

I have taken on more than i can handle. I'm not saying this to brag, boast, or to make myself sound like my life is incredibly productive and thriving and happy. While my life has been blessed beyond words, I can definitely say that I'm in somewhat of a "rutt," (we all know what these feel like all too well) because for the first time in my life I can honestly say that I've taken on more than I can handle. When I first started feeling overwhelmed, I was getting frustrated with myself, because I've always been such a busy person that I'm used to the feeling. Before this semester began, I knew that I was being very ambitious by taking 15 credits of the hardest classes I've ever taken, plus working full time, plus student teaching seminary. But I kept telling myself, "tough it out. You can do this, you've done this before," so I kept pushing myself just assuming that I would be able to handle every aspect of my life. And that's exactly what was making me so unhappy!

I felt my passion for school almost completely diminish. I didn't go to class to truly learn, I went to class because I had to. And while I was in class, I was doing assignments for other classes because that's the only time I had to do it. Then it finally started clicking with me... "If I'm not even passionate about school anymore and I am struggling to even scrape by in my classes, doesn't that defeat the whole purpose? What's so 'glorious' about being busy if I don't even feel joy in the things that I'm doing?" 

I am significantly happier when I am living a productive life. There is a reason that I've had a job since I was 13 (I'm not kidding... I started nannying when I was 13 and have always had a job since then. I think I blame my work ethic on my daddy, something that all of my siblings have acquired). However, I think I am just now discovering the difference between busy and productive; I feel like busy is just finding things to fill your time where as productivity is filling your time with things that are helping you achieve your goals and working towards becoming your best self. 

After this semester, I've promised myself to not get caught up in the glorification of busyness, but rather get caught up in the things that matter most. 

I'm promising myself to slow down the pace of my life so I can ponder on the things I learn and savor the moments of this incredible life that I've been given. 

xoxo,

Alliecat